First of all I must warn you this is a long and comprehensive article! But if you do have the self-discipline to carefully read it word by word until the end, then I can guarantee that you’ll find the answers to most of your long distance relationship problems.
So, if having a lovely long distance relationship is your goal then I recommend that you take the time and read it all, because this is gonna be the most insightful article that you’ll ever find on the subject.
Problems like jealousy, fear of being cheated on, unbearable missing, constant fights, getting her naughty, boring conversations, confusion about the future, lack of attraction, too much clubbing, will be covered in this article. So, take some time and enjoy!
Jealousy is one of those emotions that eat you from the inside if not handled in the right manner. So, how do you manage your jealousy so that it does not affect your emotional state or your long distance relationship?
Well, the first thing to understand is that jealousy is an instinct that we humans have to protect us from losing the person we love. So, it is totally natural to feel jealous and it’s totally natural to express your jealousy too.
Now, the question is how to express jealousy in the right manner? And the simple answer to this question is that we want to be reasonable about it. We want avoid the two extremes: ignorance and neediness.
We want to let our partner know when we feel jealous and clarify it together, so that it does not “boil” inside your mind. Therefore doing that, instead of trying to repress the feeling, or become over controlling and aggressive as a result.
Now, one more thing to keep in mind is that in a healthy relationship, your partner should avoid as much as possible the situations that could make you jealous. Therefore you need to let your partner know that jealousy is not your favorite emotion, and it’s better for the relationship if she avoids potential jealousy situations.
So, do not repress your jealousy, but express it and clarify it in a calm and collected manner with your partner. But take care; jealousy can also be a symptom of you being too insecure about yourself. In this case you need to deal first with your insecurities and then the jealousy will be diminishing as a result.
2) Constant Fights
We all know that fights and arguments are normal in a relationship. But are they normal when they happen too often and when they lead to a lot of stress and worries? …I believe not!
It’s not a war. When we normally start an argument we see each other as two opponents that have an issue to “debate”. Therefore we get angry, maybe yell at each other, blame each other and we forget that we actually have a relationship and that we love each other.
We tend to focus on bringing the right arguments, finding excuses etc. and forget that we are actually in a relationship, and we want to be happy, both of us want that.
So the idea here is: when you’re having an argument to remember that you are both on the same side, it’s not a war, it’s your relationship and the real enemy is the conflict itself not your partner. Thus you want to work on solving the conflict together rather than blaming each other.
Another piece of advice that I can give you is clarifying a problem or conflict when it arises. Unless is too late in the evening and you’re both tired and can’t think rationally anymore, never end a conversation without clarifying a conflict.
3) Unbearable Missing
Loneliness and missing our partner like crazy it’s what makes long distance relationships challenging. But there are ways in which we can make time feel like passing faster. From my experience, you can diminish the longing for your partner in 3 different ways:
- Involving yourself in time limited activities. I am sure you’ve noticed how fast time seems to pass when you’re in the middle of a written exam and you’ve got only 30 minutes to write a lot of stuff; or, how fast time seems to pass when you’ve got a huge project to complete in a short time period. Well, the idea is that you get yourself involved in activities which require you to see time as very “limited”.
- Spending time in an enjoyable way. So, the point here is that doing anything that means escaping something unpleasant from your life and doing something pleasant instead will make time feel like passing MUCH faster than normal.
- Dividing time into small intervals. One great thing that you can do is to divide a longer period of time into smaller intervals so that you focus your mind and patience on the next upcoming event rather than on the entire long period that you have to wait until you see your partner again.
4) Boring Conversations
While talking is generally the only thing that we can do online with our partner, at some point we drain out all the conversational topics and as a result awkward silences start to kick in, or the conversations become more and more predictable and boring. Now, even though this is a very common issue, it can be easily solved if taking some time to spice things up.
In my view…
Boredom Is A Choice…and Only Boring People Get Bored!
So how can we make conversations more interesting?
- Expand the topics. You ask her what she did today, and she tells you for example that she did many things. And then you take them one by one and comment on them and ask her expanding questions about each one.
- Make her curious. Curiosity makes conversations more intense, therefore you want to speak in a way that gets her eager to find out more and begs you for it. You can tell her a story and then change the subject in the middle of the story; or refuse to answer one of her questions unless she fulfills one of your requests etc.
- Make conversations more interactive. Do stuff while talking on Skype, high-five her virtually when she tells you something cool, show her something interesting, play a game, ask her to do something for you right now etc.
- Teach her something. I bet you know a lot of cool stuff, why not teach her something that you’re passionate about? Share with her interesting stuff that you learned that day, tell her about your expertise in a specific area.
- Use questions for couples. Search the internet for “questions for couples” and you’ll find hundreds of interesting questions to ask each other and make conversations more fun.
- Be humorous. Making a girl laugh is the best aphrodisiac. So be funny by telling her funny stories, jokes, make fun of yourself (careful with this), make funny comments about people/stuff etc.
5) Fear of Infidelity
And I saved the best for the last. “I am afraid that she’ll fall for someone else!” Or “I am afraid that she’ll cheat on me, and I can’t control it!”
That’s what I hear your “little inner voice” screaming in your head any time you feel a bit insecure.
And you’re not alone. Plus it’s totally normal to feel this way when you’re far away from your girlfriend. (by the way she probably feels the same too) Now how do we deal with the fear of infidelity and how do we make sure to keep her faithful? (million dollar question)
Well from my experience, keeping a woman faithful comes down to one basic principle: “freedom of choice”. What it Means ?
Freedom of choice.
People tend to like doing what they are told NOT to.
What Freedom of Choice means is that you never force your girl to stay faithful, just the opposite, you give her the freedom to cheat if she feels like it, if she thinks that this what she wants.
But only as long as she takes responsibility for her actions and for the fact that your relationship will end after that. This is a powerful way of dealing with the infidelity issue, because it puts the choice in her hands.
It gives her the freedom to do that she wants, and does not force her to behave in a specific way. It’s not you who keeps her from dating, sleeping with other guys, its herself that decides not to do it, because she wants to be with you.
So, that’s my 2 cents on long distance relationship problems. Leave me a comment below and DO let me know what you are your thoughts on this article and also let me know if there’s any other problem that you might have in your long distance relationship, and I’ll make sure to address them in future articles.
Also if you know anyone who can benefit from reading it…pass it on. I really hope that you share it with the world, as you might contribute to the success of another long distance relationship.
Share the Love, And don’t forget to love yourself.